Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
