Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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