Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
