There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize