I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
