I wish I only lived at night.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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