Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
