i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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