Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
if i died would you start the facebook group?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
