I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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