Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
