I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
