Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
