She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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