its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
All I want is dick and wine.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize