I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
