A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
