my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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