I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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