I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
