What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you never un-have a 4some
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
