what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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