Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
