my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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