I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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