That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
