somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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