UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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