My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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