Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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