now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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