You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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