how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
