That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
