there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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