i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
