Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
