I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
