YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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