I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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