Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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