I got chris browned last night
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
