I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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