I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize