I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
