Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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