Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
