Kiss
Puke
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize