I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
