we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
