What did we do last night that was yellow?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
