In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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