I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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