In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
