I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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