Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
