you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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