Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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