Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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