what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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