I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
