sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
