I'm lost and stupid without you.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
